On The Tiles

TOMCAT

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19 May 2002

Another Sunday and it's back from another fortnight out on the tiles. It's been a heck-tick time as the clock ticks inexorably towards E-Day on Statehood Day and the only occasion in years when Goa's indigenous beggars come to your door. That is when you, gentle reader will decide what happens to your Mogachem Goyem over the next half decade.

So, while there is Much Ado Over your precious Mot, make the most of it. For, in true Shakespearean style, after 30 May, it will be worth Nothing.

'Go to the Masses' is the credo of every political party. Even more than them, it is now the message of the Church. The Archbishop Patriarch now expects every faithful to go for Mass on Sunday, where the pad-vigar will relay His Holiness's call against Communalism, Corruption, Criminals and Defection (C₃D).

WIN-ABILITY VS CLEAN-ABILITY

There is now a new word in the Indian political dictionary. It's called winnability. This mantra is behind the de-ath of de Congress de-bate over de-fectors, which has been officially de-molished. The Congress, it seems, has decided that every defector must have his or her day, and that day is 30 May. All the Aya-Rams, Gaya-Rams and even Daya-Rams have got the ticket.

Seems the whole strategy is that the High Command wants to avoid rebels and promote a victory at all costs in Goa, because polls are coming up in Gujarat and Kashmir later this year. They know that if they win and form the government, it will not last more than two months. But they badly want that win to keep up the national trend of the Congress winning and BJP losing elections in states.

BRIEF CASE

They say that even better than becoming a successful politician is to become a Congress High Command Observer at election time. Ask Pradyut Guha, who has been lampooned for alleged anti-Church remarks. A high-flying dove from Dabolim told me that every time he comes to Goa from Delhi, he has only one bag. And every time he returns, he has several suitcases.

These, apparently, contain all the notes he has made while he is in Goa and working hard for his party. All these notes, in keeping with his ideology, of course, are of crisp paper and have pictures of Mahatma Gandhi on them. And, if you are wondering how the defectors have got the ticket, Guha's notes have a lot to do with it.

CHURCH IN QUANDARY

While the circular put out by the Church against C₃D is a fine and laudable exercise, is it really practical? Let us look at the real facts; see the Cs and de Ds.

If this buclo was one of the faithful, which party would he vote for?

The Church is against communalism. This means I can't vote for the BJP.

Not only does the 'C' in Congress stand for corruption, but as many as 15 of its 40 candidates are habitual defectors. The Congress is out too.

The Dr Willy's NCP and the UGDP are both more or less like refugee camps for candidates rejected by other parties; so both are down by a 'C' and a 'D'.

That leaves the MGP. Now, Tomcat takes his hat off to Shashikala Tai Kakodkar. Tai is the one person who has sacrificed 'win-ability' for 'clean-ability'. Most of her 25 candidates have nothing to be ashamed about. Unfortunately, they are all standing in constituencies where there are very few of the faithful living. Where does that leave someone like me?

The only parties that fit the Church's criteria properly are the Goa Su-Raj Party's 8 candidates, the CPI's 3 and the CPI(M)'s 3. Apart from the fact that except Christopher Fonseca, none of them have any kind of political identity or presence in their constituencies, 14 candidates cannot be an alternative make!

Really, this buclo is glad that he is not really one of the faithful, otherwise he would be a very puzzled and confused Cat today.

BACKWARD INTEGRATION?

The janntte and the not-so-janntte among us will know that there are two moneybags who are very important to politicians. One of them is the Prince of the River Princess, Anil Salgaocar. A parvo from Porvorim tells me that every time a government needs to be toppled, Anil-bab is one of those who are always ready to supply the rebels with briefcases full of crisp bundles of resources.

The other is Atanasio alias Babush Monserrate. Once a government is in power and the jodd is coming in thick and fast, Babush is the one who can give the minister-on-the-make many happy returns each month on any investments kept with him.

Now, after years of seeing exactly how much money there is in politics, these two businessmen, it appears, have decided that rather than being a resource person, it is best to be the real McCoy. So they are both in the fray. In business parlance, I believe, expanding to bring in the sources of raw material into one's operations is called 'backward integration'. Is that what our Anil-bab's up to, then?

33% RESERVATION?

We all know all about the demands for reservation by different disadvantaged sections of society. Recently, the country has been witness to a huge debate asking for reservation of 33 per cent of seats in state assemblies and parliament for women.

Well, Tomcat has some good news and bad news. The good news is that one Goan party, the UGDP, has decided to have a 33 per cent reservation in its seats. The bad news is, it's not for women or any other disadvantaged section of society; rather, it is the opposite.

Of the 10 candidates it has fielded, the UGDP has kept three for financiers and the rest for politicians. And who are in its reserved category...? None other than Francisco Monte Cruz of Belo Beer fame (Fatorda), Cruise Ship recruiter and football team owner Mickey Pacheco (Benaulim) and Goa's greatest loanshark Babush Monserrate (Taleigao).

If three can finance 10, it's a fantastic feat of financial finesse!

SAFFRONISATION CAMPAIGN

Yes, L K Advani is out to saffronise Goa, literally. On the day of his public meeting at Mardol, all Panaji-Ponda traffic was diverted via the new Mardol by-pass on National Highway 4A, which is still under construction, and happens to be covered by a three-inch layer of fine dust -- of the red, red soil of Goa.

Consequently, every car that passed, every two-wheeler driver and pillion rider that went that way, was covered from top to bottom with it, and looked a distinctly duller shade of saffron.

Tomcat hopes that this will be the graceful end of the BJP's saffronisation campaign; they should remember that it is always best to end things when they are successful, rather than after they fail.

DEFECT TO DEFEAT?

The BJP's Union Parliamentary Affairs Minister Pramod Mahajan, who remains unofficially in charge of Goa, was apparently overheard saying that the BJP will win only 16 seats in the coming election, but will form the government within two months following the poll.

In short and in long, this means that the Congress will win a majority in the election, but will split within two months of forming the government. With as many as 5 ex-CMs, in the fray on the Congress side, it would be little surprise if the party split even before it forms a government, if it gets a majority.

But then, are we heading for another round of governments of defectors?

A final shake of the tail: In this election, apart from 8 ex-CMs, there are 3 ex-Dy CMs, 30 ex-ministers and 55 ex-MLAs in the fray, including 29 known defectors and 11 rebels. The only untainted constituency is Sanguem, which has not a single candidate from any of the above categories.

Old candidates are now coming to be real contenders. One of them is the UGDP's Matanhy Saldhana, in Cortalim. Power-tainted Mauvin Godinho is on the run, Tomcat hears. He's so afraid of Matanhy, that his supporters are smearing Matanhy's with Xenn (cowdung). Watch out, Mauvin, when the Xenn hits the fan, you might end up with it on your face!

Until next week, Meeaow.

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